Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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