I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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