You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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