i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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