We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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