i would punch a child for taco bell
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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