Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize