My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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