You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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