Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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