He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My liver just broke up with me...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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