dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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