grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize