My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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