Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize