Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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