I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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