I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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