My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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