I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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