I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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