I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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