I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
is that a dick in a sweater?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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