he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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