We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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