My friends, they love my intelligence
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize