Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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