Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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