The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize