i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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