Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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