I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize