Swine flu. Run for my life!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize