Christians are straight up FREAKS
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are a genius and a whore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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