I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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