oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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