This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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