she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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