listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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