have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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