Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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