I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize