Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize