He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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