Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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