Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize