he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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