once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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