When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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