I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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